A Monster's Paradise (Away From Whipplethorn Book Three) Page 3

  One of the officers shook Marie’s hand, and she began to speak in rapid French. Iris’s mouth dropped open in surprise. Mine didn’t. Marie was Tess and Judd’s great grandmother’s best friend and as far as I could tell she could do anything. She stood in front of the men, using big gestures that swung her red cape around, creating enough of a breeze that Iris and I had to fly higher to escape.

  Soon the men were smiling and nodding. Marie’s eyes twinkled and the network of wrinkles on her cheeks stretched wide with her smiles. I spun around to see what Tess and Judd thought, but they hadn’t approached. The whole Elliot family remained rooted to their spots, although with Tess and Judd it definitely wasn’t by choice. Rebecca and Evan each had a hand on their shoulders, restraining their kids. Judd was up on his tiptoes, pulling forward in an attempt to get closer. Tess merely frowned and waited. She, as always, was the calmer of the two with well-reasoned responses to everything, unlike her passionate brother.

  Judd struggled and twisted. I could see he was protesting, but he wouldn’t keep his head straight, so I couldn’t see what he was saying.

  Iris touched my hand. “He just wants to know why they can’t come over and listen.”

  “Good question,” I said.

  “Rebecca’s worried. She thinks Marie will involve them in something.”

  I laughed. No doubt she would. Involvement was what Marie did best. She was half the reason we were in Paris so quickly, although neither Rebecca or Evan knew it. As a seer with vast experience, as she put it, Marie had negotiated Evan’s job, the Paris apartment, Judd and Tess’s placement at the American school, and countless other details. At ninety-four, Marie was a force. I couldn’t imagine what she’d been like when she was young.

  Judd broke away from Evan and dashed to Marie. “What’s happening?” he asked.

  Switching to English, Marie said, “All taken care of.” She handed the closest officer the wad of euros, turned on her leopard-print heels, and brushed past us, saying, “Come along, girls. No rest for the wicked.”

  She went straight for Rebecca and Evan, whose eyes darted around like they were looking for an escape. I flew up next to Marie’s cheek, narrowly avoiding her dangling emerald earring. “Did you just bribe that officer?”

  “It was a gift, not a bribe,” said Marie, her smile lines deepening.

  “What’s the difference?”

  “Time in jail.” Marie held out her hand to Rebecca. “Excellent to see you. Arrived all in one piece, I see.”

  Rebecca took Marie’s hand and hugged her with an eyebrow raised at Evan who shrugged. What could he do? It was Marie. She would have her way as always.

  “Shall we?” Marie hooked her arm through Rebecca’s.

  “I thought you were in the Riviera with Gram,” said Rebecca.

  “Three’s a crowd.”

  Earl and Stanley ambled up. I think they were trying to stand up straight, but somehow managed to look all gangly and loose. Rebecca’s eyebrows went together and so did my mom’s. They both moved backwards away from the two workmen who smelled like cigarettes and bacon and looked like they could’ve been criminals from one of the seventies cop shows Judd thought were so hilarious.

  “This is Earl and Stanley,” said Marie. “They do odd jobs for me.”

  “Why?” Evan caught his own rudeness and coughed to cover. He extended his hand. “Pleased to meet you. I didn’t know Marie had brought retainers with her to France.”

  “Well, you see, she needs us,” said Earl.

  “We can do stuff nobody else can do,” said Stanley. “Can you believe that?”

  “No,” said Rebecca.

  Evan gave her a hard look and she blushed.

  “I’m sorry. I mean, what is it that you do?” she asked.

  “Can’t say. You’ll figure it out one of these days,” said Stanley.

  “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” said Evan. “These are our children, Tess and Judd.”

  “So it is.” Earl gave Tess a fierce hug. Then he hugged Judd. The kids were so shocked they didn’t move, even when Stanley followed suit.

  “You look just like Marie said,” said Earl.

  “Yep. Just like other kids. Who’d have thunk it?” Stanley scratched his scraggly blond beard and grinned happily.

  “Let’s hit it.” Marie wheeled around, dragging Rebecca with her.

  “But where’s Gram?” asked Rebecca.

  “Don’t worry about it. She’s a big girl.” Marie pushed Rebecca through an open door labeled ‘Taxis’.

  The rest of us followed at a slower pace out into the warm Parisian sunshine. There were rows of taxis lined up at the curb. There must’ve been fifty. Fifty cabs and one black stretch limo with a tire parked up on the curb. Marie was already at the passenger door getting yelled at by a French taxi driver. Rebecca’s face was bright red and she looked at Evan helplessly.

  The taxi driver took off his cap and started whacking it against his leg. That’s when Marie started yelling, but it wasn’t in French, something more guttural. It might’ve actually been more than one language. The taxi driver looked around frantically, probably hoping for a translator. Marie handed him another wad of euros and shouted for us to get in before Monsieur Fussy called in the Gestapo.

  Stanley popped the trunk and tossed the human’s luggage inside. Then he and Earl opened the limo’s back doors. The taxi driver had recovered and was now yelling in English. Marie responded in yet another language, suddenly pretending she didn’t speak English or French.

  “Oh dear lord,” said Rebecca.

  My mom fluttered in front of Dad. “I don’t think we should get in that car. Horc says Marie’s an insane driver. Matilda…” She trailed away and looked at me guiltily.

  What? I can’t handle Marie’s driving because of my leg or was it my ears this time?

  “Marie drives fine,” I said.

  Horc blew out a spray of splinters from his latest biting stick. “If you would like to die in a fiery crash, Marie is a fine driver. I for one do not.”

  “Marie’s not driving. This is a limo. They have to have special drivers,” said Dad.

  Mom heaved a sigh of relief, but Judd looked gleeful.

  “Where’s the driver?” he asked.

  Rebecca went pale.

  “We’ve got the best driver in the world,” said Stanley.

  “Me,” said Marie.

  “You have a chauffeur’s license?” asked Evan.

  “I’m a tourist with money. No license required or desired. Get in.”

  Rebecca looked in the door. “This could be bad.”

  “I guarantee it,” said Evan.

  Earl opened the back door and the dogs jumped in, dragging Evan in behind them with their leads and we followed more slowly. Mom directed us to the flat area behind the back seat and we landed on some hairy fabric that made my ankles itch. Tess and Judd set Lrag with Miss Penrose, Lucrece, and Bentha down beside us while their parents were buckling in.

  “I like that Marie,” said Lucrece as she dug in her bag made of ratty old carpet and pulled out a hunk of hamburger.

  Mom handed her Horc and he dove at the meat with his multiple rows of pointy teeth bared. Mom went a little green. She couldn’t get used to the meat eating, being a dedicated vegetarian like all wood fairies.

  “I guess you would like Marie,” said Dad.

  Lucrece cocked an eyebrow lump at him. “And why is that?”

  “The spriggans called you Lucrece the difficult. You’re cut from the same cloth.”

  “I shall take that as a compliment.”

  Dad looked doubtful, but didn’t say anything.

  “Hold on to your hats!” yelled Marie from the front.

  She hit the gas and we all tumbled backwards on the hairy fabric. By the time we all got upright, we were out of the airport and flying down a highway next to a river. We were going so fast that when the road dipped down to go under an overpass we were briefly airborne.

  Th
e humans were shrieking, Rebecca in terror and Judd in delight.

  Mom got a handhold in the hairy fabric and asked Dad, “Where do you think the real driver is?”

  “Tied up in a closet somewhere,” said Dad.

  “Why did we ever do this,” cried Mom.

  “I’m so sorry,” said Miss Penrose, her blue eyes finally open. She was still cuddled in Lrag’s arm as he held onto the leather seat back.

  Mom went pale. “I didn’t mean coming to Paris, Penrose. I meant getting in this car.”

  “You’re all going to so much trouble,” said Miss Penrose.

  “Yes,” said Mom. “And we’d do it ten times over to save you. Never doubt it.”

  “I don’t. I just wish you didn’t have to.”

  “I’m not sorry,” said Iris, stoutly although she was looking quite green around the edges.

  “Sorry about what?” I asked.

  “I’m not sorry we’re here. Paris will be a great adventure. And because of Miss Penrose we get to go. It’ll be great,” said Iris.

  A warm glow came over Miss Penrose’s face and she said, “I’m glad you got the chance then.”

  Mom beamed at Iris and I remembered what our Grandma Vi said about her. “Iris is love.” Grandma was right. Iris was love and she always knew just how to give it.

  Just when we were all feeling warm and fuzzy, Marie hit a bump and we went flying again. The drop knocked the breath out of us, all of us except for Bentha. He stood up and pointed out the window. “Look there and be amazed.”

  Outside in the distance was an amazing sight, the Eiffel Tower, looking as improbably odd and beautiful as I imagined it to be.

  “We’re really here,” said Iris.

  “Yes, we are,” I said, for the first time feeling nervous. My job in Paris, to get the cure, had seemed so far away until that moment, but now we were there and we had to find the vermillion in the largest fairy population in the world and convince them to perform the cure. No task had ever seemed so impossible.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  THE LIMO CAREENED onto a sidewalk, narrowly missing the baskets of fresh flowers outside a shop. Marie passed a double-parked Fiat and jerked us back onto the street just before hitting a tree. Lucrece lost her grip on Horc and he went rolling across the window area like the boulder he was. Everyone went running after him, except for me with my gimpy leg and Lrag. He had Miss Penrose to contend with.

  Dad got within three inches of Horc when Marie jolted us back to the right. Horc abruptly switched directions and bowled over Dad, flattening him. Mom pivoted in her graceful way and launched herself at Horc. She just managed to snag him before he rammed into the side wall near me.

  “I got him,” she said, visibly shaking.

  Horc’s eyes were huge. Normally the whites could barely be seen. Now he had a wide ring around each brown iris. He trained his eyes on me and I crawled over.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His round cheeks became tinged with pink, which was especially odd-looking considering his normal greenish-brown.

  “Mom, you’re choking him!” I grabbed her fingers and tried to peel them off his throat. Her long white fingers were surprisingly strong and they wouldn’t budge.

  “I got him!”

  “Let go!” I yelled.

  Horc’s eyes rolled around and got dim. Lucrece ran up, dropped to her knees, and gave Mom a crack across the face. She shrieked and dropped Horc. I caught him and pressed his shaking body against my chest. Lucrece reached back and cracked Mom a second time.

  Dad ran up and pushed Lucrece away roughly. “That wasn’t necessary.”

  “I’m a spriggan,” replied Lucrece, her eyes narrowed to slits.

  “So what,” said Iris, kneeling next to me and patting Horc, who was still gasping.

  “Never smack someone once, when you can do it twice,” said Lucrece.

  “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “It makes spriggan sense.” Lucrece kissed Horc’s head. “How’s my little filth ball?”

  “That was an intense experience. I recommend it to all,” said Horc.

  “Seriously?” I asked.

  “Except for the choking. That was less than pleasant. The rolling was excellent. I’m hungry. Who has meat?”

  Mom brushed the tears off her face. “I wish you wouldn’t call him filth ball.”

  “Would you prefer dirtbag or ball of stink?” asked Lucrece.

  “I would not. He’s a sweet little boy.”

  “He’s a spriggan. You’d do well not to forget that.”

  Horc wiggled out of my arms and toddled around sniffing. “Hello. I’m hungry.”

  Lucrece rooted around in her bag and found Horc’s favorite, an applewood stick wrapped in bacon. That way he got biting and bacon all in one go.

  Horc chomped away, his eyes glazing over.

  Marie yelled from the front. “We’re almost there.”

  Iris and I staggered to the front of the window area. We remained upright, just barely. Marie hung a right onto a tree-lined street with tall graceful buildings on either side. They were covered with decorative stonework and little balconies with black iron railings.

  “Thank god,” said Evan, although it was hard to hear him even with his big human voice. In the seat opposite, Rebecca was laughing hysterically. And I do mean hysterically. She’d completely lost it. Her face was bright pink and her hair stood on end. Tess and Judd eyed her from the other side of the seat, looking ready to jump out the door if their mom finally blew her last gasket.

  Beyond them in the front seat beside Marie, Earl and Stanley snored on. Their abilities to sleep through six near traffic accidents, screaming, and hysterical laughter was remarkable to say the least. I wished I could’ve slept through the whole thing. I was already nervous and Rebecca’s caterwauling made me want to smack her like Lucrece smacked Mom. Like Lucrece I probably would’ve smacked her twice just to make sure.

  “Did you see that?” asked Iris.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Something just flew over us.”

  We ran back, our fingers splayed against the window glass.

  “Was it a fairy?” I asked. “What species?”

  “It was too big, like in the airport.”

  “What color?”

  “Maybe dark green or blue,” she said.

  “We could look it up in the Speciesapedia,” I said.

  “It’s arranged by species name, not color,” said Iris, her face turning glum. “I wish Gerald were here. He’d know.”

  “Probably, if he’d seen the whole thing. I’m sorry he’s not here. I know it’s my fault for dragging him off to the antique mall.”

  “He wanted to go and, besides, it was just an excuse. Eunice wanted to cut us off.”

  Marie braked hard and we fell backwards, landing hard on our tailbones.

  “We’re here!” yelled Marie.

  Evan looked up out the window. “Are you sure?”

  “Sure I’m sure. When have I ever not been sure?”

  “This neighborhood is pretty fancy.”

  “I could take you to a slum if you prefer,” said Marie.

  Rebecca’s laughter trailed off. “No more driving. Ever.”

  “That seals it. Get out.”

  Earl and Stanley woke up, smacked their lips, and proceeded to open doors and retrieve luggage. We flew out and hovered in the street beside Evan and Rebecca. He held her by the arm and glanced around. “Which one is it?”

  “That one, of course,” said Marie, pointing a jeweled finger at the doorway to end all doorways.

  First of all, it was huge, three times the size of a regular human doorway. It was made of carved mahogany with multiple panels of leaded glass decorated with delicate ironwork. The top two were ovals, angled in to a flat portion of wood over the part of the door that opened. A chill went through me. It was a face and not a friendly one either. A face that wanted to gobble
me up. Around the wooden part was elaborate stonework of twisting trees, long-feathered birds, and nude women.

  “That is the coolest door in the whole freaking world,” said Judd.

  “It’s beautiful,” said Tess. “I love it.”

  Marie smiled at them, her wicked eyes glinting. “I knew you’d appreciate it.”

  “Are you saying that our apartment is in there?” asked Rebecca, shakily.

  “I am. I stayed here briefly during the war. It has the perfect location and I have it on good authority that it’s currently vacant,” said Marie.

  “Well, I should hope so. We’re moving in,” said Evan.

  Marie winked in my direction. “There’s vacant and then there’s very vacant. This one is very vacant and it has been for a good long time.”

  Evan picked up a suitcase. “Very vacant is good, I guess. Lead the way, Marie.”

  “I shall. I always do.” Marie tromped up the stairs and extracted a large ornate brass key from her little black purse. She stuck it in the door between two carved hands with long shiny nails and turned. The door swung open on its own, revealing a heavily veined marble floor.

  Marie went inside, her red cape disappearing in a flash through the open mouth door. Earl and Stanley followed, carrying Lrag with Miss Penrose, Bentha, and Lucrece with Horc. Rebecca and Evan hesitated, but Tess and Judd raced in, bumping into each other inside the mouth and then disappearing, too. Their parents followed much more slowly. Maybe it was creepy for them, walking through that door. It didn’t look like the gateway to anything particularly good, as cool as it was.

  “Do you think we should go in?” asked Mom.

  “I think we have to,” said Dad. “Lrag and the others are already in.”

  “It will be alright, won’t it?”

  “Of course it will. No one will ever notice we’re even here.” Dad smiled and took Mom’s hand.

  She smiled back. “Let’s get going.”

  I darted toward the door and upwards to the nose. It was a bumpy affair up close with little carved initials all over it with an ornate B in the center.

  Iris tugged on my foot. “Someone’s here.”

  Talking to my parents still out on the sidewalk were a company of fairies with golden wings and white uniforms. They had blue shields with silver veining on their chests with three gold fleur-de-lis. I’d never seen anything like them. Maybe they were in the Speciesapedia.